I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
