either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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