she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
