Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How does one acquire holy water?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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