Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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