I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
