um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
