hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
