I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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