don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
