so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
