can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
