8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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