listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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