I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
