just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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