my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
