Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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