kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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