Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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