Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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