I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
