she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
