sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
