would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
