mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The ass gains better be worth it
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