Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize