I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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