ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
