nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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