I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
