i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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