I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
