All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
