Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
