Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Girls should come with a carfax report
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
