somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The power of my boobs compel you
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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