it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
