youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize