I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize