i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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