The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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