Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
