I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
