Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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