Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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