i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
