I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
