My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
