he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
