How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
