If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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