If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
