I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
