Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
