Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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