12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize