Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize