she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
