How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
