we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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