dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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