I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
