He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
