8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
