are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just want to make out with him forever
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
