wrigley field is MILF paradise
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
