btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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