i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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