Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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