Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
